I Don’t Have a Problem, You Have a Problem!

Do you find yourself tossing and turning thinking about starting pitcher streaming options? Is your first thought everyday, “Did I set all my lineups?” Have you ever gone on a waiver wire hunt after being forbidden by a doctor to look at computer screen? Well, then you might suffer from fantasy baseball addiction. Scientists have estimated that thousands of people are affected by this condition, and it’s prevalence is on the rise. With the opportunity I have been given to write for Fantasy Assembly I felt an obligation to educate everyone on some of the early warning signs of fantasy baseball addiction.

  • If your hopes and dreams have ever rested in the hands of Brad Ziegler, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you have ever stopped a romantic evening to make a late round draft pick, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you have ended a friendship over a vetoed trade, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.

  • If Byron Buxton has been the focal point of one of your therapy sessions, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you have ever screamed obscenities at a player for hitting a HR because what you really needed was a stolen base, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you set a lineup while your wife is in labor, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.

  • If you have ever taken a sick day because of complications due to Tyler Glasnow, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If a Tuesday afternoon Marlins game affects your life in any way, shape or form, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If it never occurs to you that someone might be talking about chicken when they say “rotisserie,” you might be a a fantasy baseball addict.

  • If you have recurring nightmares about Dylan Bundy giving up barrages of HRs, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you are stunned when someone doesn’t know every set-up man and back up catcher for all 30 MLB teams, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If the sentence, “His high ERA is completely BABIP driven, just checkout his xFIP” makes sense, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.

  • If you felt personally betrayed when Robinson Cano was suspended for PED use, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you are still holding a grudge against Vernon Wells for ruining your 2007 season, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you miss work for two weeks because of a “religious” holiday during your fantasy baseball playoffs, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.

  • If you know who Jeimer Candelario is, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you have ever texted someone in a different state to set a DFS lineup because you were in Arizona, Alabama, Hawaii, Idaho, Iowa, Louisiana, Montana, Nevada, Texas or Washington, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.
  • If you read this entire post, you might be a fantasy baseball addict.

A big thanks to JayDub @JayDubTheGamer, Jim Finch @TheJimFinch, Open Bar Fantasy Baseball Podcast @OpenBarDudes, Michael Yachera @myach1_91 and Yants @YancyEaton for helping out with this list.

Jake Blodgett

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Like most of you I am addicted to fantasy baseball. Since I spend most of my time talking about it, I figured I would write some of my thoughts down. I am a shameless promoter of Mike Trout and an even more shameless Shohei Ohtani apologist.

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